those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize