I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
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