She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
