Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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