i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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