the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
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