am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
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