The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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