Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
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