Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
