Kareoke will never be a sober sport
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
