are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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