Whod you bang
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
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