I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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