I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
