I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Randomize
