We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
my liver is dry heaving
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
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