mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize