...so i touched it.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Randomize
