Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Alive.
So much puke
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
