A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
