Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
