How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
