ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
don't judge my taste in strippers
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Randomize