32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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