I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
