You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Randomize
