I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
She told me I should be a condom model.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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