Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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