don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Randomize
