Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
