I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
