yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
