Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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