Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Randomize
