im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
he high fived his dick after we had sex
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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