soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
You need Xanax blowdarts
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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