We're like a lot better than the average bears
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
