My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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