I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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