How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize
