Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I intend to get homeless drunk
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
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