Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
how does that bad decision feel?
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
