we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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