How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
