so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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