There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
