just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
