So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Randomize
