shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Randomize
