Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
