you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
