now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
