i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
