Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
