The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
