2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
