I was born with a shot glass in my hand
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
