I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
