What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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