the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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