sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Randomize
