so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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