Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
