did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize