I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
