Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
