well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Randomize
