Say something about gay babies.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
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