Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
im six kinds of drunk right now
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
