Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
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