DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Randomize
