I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
