I like to think it a success when the cops are called
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
This house was built for laser tag.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Randomize
