she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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