I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
