here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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