she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize