Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
