Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
