PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Randomize
