Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
