i don't plan on having that self control this summer
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Randomize
