What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
