So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
