I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
A bitchslap is in order.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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