well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
