I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
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