he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
I need mimosas to revive my soul
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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