Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
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