Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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