dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
