Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
