Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
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