Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
