Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
