Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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