For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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