i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
