I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
