just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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