two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Randomize
