Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
