Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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