I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
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