Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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