1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
she smelled like a LAN party
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
