had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
