I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
