the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
My vagina just recognized that song.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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