Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Randomize
