She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
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