ya dads aren't the best wingmen
i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
One girl and one boy is just not enough.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
