They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Randomize
