This is not my ceiling
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
