I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
