You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Randomize
