The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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