My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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