she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
