I should be sponsored by Trojan
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
