her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
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