All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
