I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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