sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
